Friday, May 12, 2017

Lately

So, it's that time when we're in the middle of the month, again. As you grow older time flies faster doesn't it? Aye.

The past one month has been a busy but fruitful one for me. In the last weekend of April, I had the opportunity to attend a Toastmaster conference which gave me the privilege to listen to speeches by a lot of veteran speakers. From the National champion to the District speakers, they delivered messages that provoked my thoughts.

It's amazing how a conversation could save a life; and now imagine that to a whole group of audience. Astonishing, hey? I'm working to get there, and one day I will.

Put that aside, I'm nearing the one-year benchmark in my current company. Just been really grateful for the fact that I was nurtured with encouragement by several people around me from the day I started working. It's not easy to find someone you can trust and make friends with at work, and I considered myself to be a lucky one; of course not everyone is nice to befriend, but there are a few.

My temper has just been really bad lately. I got mad on unnecessary stuff, raged in odd occasions. I'm working on that, and I'm afraid I need some time, but I know that's okay. Keep calm and take a deep breathe.

If my life is a roller coaster track, I'm at the smooth track right now, swaying back and forth, cruising along the way but I'm sure something exciting is on its way.

Just keep going like this.



Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Surreal

It's time to get back on track.

So I had the opportunity to visit my friends from my uni in Miri during the past weekend. The same old feeling when we get together and talk about nonsense and play my favourite card game - those little little things I am really grateful for. It feels surreal that I'm stepping in the reality of going to work today while we just hang around till 4am playing cards last Saturday. That transition.

I slowly get it why people say working life and study life are totally different. When people treat me in an unkind manner, I've always told myself to not return that treatment. I thought if everyone doesn't care then no one else would care in this world. But lately, I figured my toleration has reaches its limit. It has been too much shit from the same person over and over again. It sucks when you're trying to be nice but they take that for granted - well I'm still responsible for that.

Been telling myself that it's okay. Don't bother about what people say or what they do to you, and just keep doing what you gotta do. The world is full of people who will put you down, but you have the choice to either let them take control of you or go against them. I admire my ability to lend a hand to people when they needed help while they hadn't been kind to me, but to one point I think it's enough.

I'm letting it go, but due to the fact that I'm only human I need time with this emotion.

I miss the times in uni, but in particular, the bunch of people who made my uni life complete.



Sunday, January 01, 2017

Trust and follow where life brings you

It's this time of the year again.

2016 was a roller coaster year for me. The first quarter got me teared up so badly - that was one of the saddest moment in my life so far. The second quarter was a changing point - took my IELTS and didn't get my required marks and started my first job as an engineer. I was bombarded with surprise during the third quarter - I just realised engineering could be fun. The last quarter, was probably the best - catching up with people I have been missing and our conversations did not miss a beat.

I consider myself to be a really lucky person, with all these blessings in my life. Friends that are always by my side, colleagues that are friendly and helpful at work, a family that loves me albeit being really small.

2017 is definitely going to be really different at work since my boss who inspired me just left, but I still choose to believe that everything happens for a reason. Often we are sad because of a sudden change in our usual lifestyle, but eventually when we're used to the new lifestyle we are glad for the things that have changed in the first place. Things always happen for its best.

I have never done any new year resolutions, but this year I would like to try making one. It hit me out of nowhere that it's time I should start thinking about my life - where I am heading to and what should I do to move towards that direction. January is always the best time to start doing something cause it gives you the feeling of a fresh beginning.


Thank you for everything you have taught me for the past 7 months. I would not deny that there are times when I feel afraid talking to you but thanks for caring when no one else did. One of the moment that touches me most was when you allowed me to rest for a couple of hours during one of the day when I went to work with high fever. Honestly, no one else would give a shit and I have never thought I would be able to experience this kind of care at work. In all honesty I'm sad for not being able to learn from you anymore, but I trust how things are and I would like to follow this flow my life is leading me to.

Thanks for supporting my dreams and encouraging me to go for it. I sincerely hope it does come true.

Sunday, December 04, 2016

Seventh

December. I still can't believe 2016 is wrapping up in 27 day time. Sometimes you've gotta keep up in pace, with time.

I'm officially into the seventh month of my life as an engineer tomorrow. How did I do this? - I have no idea at all.

When I first came back there were a lot of unanswered doubts and frustration. I didn't understand why things couldn't go as planned. When you want something life seems to give you another. But eventually, day after day, everything just seems to make sense - the company that I accepted the offer, the colleagues I've met, friends I've made and so on.

Honestly, sometimes I questioned myself why did I let so many things and opportunities slipped off my hands, but it only led me to one lesson that I've learned and still learning - everything happens for a reason. And when you don't know why it happened at that point of time, wait. Just wait for the right moment and the "why" shall be revealed.

I hate saying goodbyes, but it is out of my control. The person that inspired me quite a bit is leaving the company soon, and that feeling of bidding farewell is devastating. But I hold on to what I believe, that everything happens for a reason and I know it is definitely happening for its best. If you don't let go of what you're holding on to, it made no room for better things to come to you.

Well hold on and have faith. I can't wait to meet my favourite group of people who came all the way from Perth. Anticipating to rock December!


I love sunsets, because they are always short and they bring you calmness. And oh, I love Christmas too! And it is just around the corner. ;)

Sunday, September 04, 2016

Simplicity

It had been a while, a really long while. Ever since I started work, I haven't been free to write often. But today, I decided to.

It was raining so god damn heavy yesterday morning before I head off to work. I became so worried if I will be late, but I heard a voice in my head telling me to stay positive and that I will be on time. Perhaps it had been raining for hours, a lot of the areas were flooded and my shoes were soaked wet. But guess what, I was so grateful. I am thankful for the fact that while I didn't wake up that early I managed to finish everything I needed to do as a preparation for work - my breakfast, break time sandwich; I hassled to work and while I worry that I might not get a parking in the office compound I got one even though I arrived just 5 minutes before work; my shoes were damn due to the flood but I had a spare pair of slippers in my car; I punched in 3 minutes just before work started; I had conversations with my colleagues that I had never; last but not the least, I have a car to drive to work and didn't have to be soaking wet in work.

There were just too many things that I could be grateful for within that couple of hours.

I couldn't believe I just passed the 3 month milestone at work. Reminiscing back to the days when I just started work, almost everything were like alien to me. I didn't know what to talk to people, I was always way behind during the meeting, I felt so uncomfortable.

But as time goes, it became easier to communicate with the people at my workplace; it became easier for me to understand what is required from me at work; but what's most, I started to enjoy my position as an engineer. Well, I am still miles and miles away to becoming a successful engineer but I know I am on my way.

There were so many things I regretted saying at work - work life and study life are totally different. People might be friendly to you at your presence but talk shit behind your back - be careful who you open your heart to. I have always been that kind of person who voice out bluntly (sometimes) but perhaps I have got to learn how to keep something personal outside work context.

I started to blame myself when I realised what I shouldn't really be saying but a voice in me told me it's okay. We are human after all, and what makes human human if we are all perfect individuals? I have learned to speak out wisely. I sometimes still worry about losing my job but you know what? Whatever happen happens. When god takes away something from you it means he has better things in store for you.


Look forward, and stay positive. This life is pretty short to be wasted on the things you regret not doing.